Updated: Feb 27
Have you ever been in a position where you know exactly what you want? You can see it, feel it or hear it. You know that it is within your grasp and all you have to do is reach out and grab it, but you don’t. While you know that this is what you want and need, you are filled with anxiety and you can't go after it. The “it” can vary from person to person. It can be something small or it can be something major in your life. You know that you want to ask for it, but you are lacking the confidence to do so.
Why do we feel anxiety and fear for asking for what we want? The possibility of rejection or failure can be one reason why we do not ask for what we need. The fear of success can stop us as well. There are several different reasons, but when we lack the confidence to communicate our needs it can hold us back in life.
I’ve seen and heard of people who were unable to ask for what they want for even the smallest things. My mother had a friend who was completely unable to communicate her needs. One day my mom and several of her friends packed into my mom’s red ford expedition. This spacious SUV had 8 seats and the 2 back seat rows had their own climate control. It was a pretty chilly day, but while the air was cold it wasn’t freezing. My mother put the heat on in her car and she assumed that it was a comfortable temperature for everyone. While she set the temperature on a heat setting, the back seat climate control was set higher. My mom’s friend who wasn’t able to communicate her needs sat in the back seat suffering. Her face was beet red from the heat blowing in her face. While she was suffering she never said anything to anyone. As my mother was driving she looked in her rear-view mirror and saw her friend sweating and red in the face. After my mom realized what was happening she explained to her friend that she could lower the heat with the buttons in the back seat.
Once the car was at a comfortable temperature for everyone in the car my mom asked her friend why she didn’t ask her to lower the temperature.
Her friend responded “I never been able to ask for things like that”
Why couldn’t her friend ask her to lower the heat, especially since she knew my mom always tried to ensure that everyone was comfortable. Why can’t people ask for a raise or promotion? Why can’t you ask someone for help? How can we start asking for what we want?
If you are unable to ask for what you want, know that you are not alone. Many people do not have the confidence to ask for what they want. If you can’t ask for what you want, it is now time for you to make a plan to start doing so. Practice makes perfect and it is important to start asking for small things.
Now before you start asking for the small things you have to remember 3 things:
1. You Matter
You matter and no one can take away your worth. Your opinion also matters and you have a right to use your voice.
2. The Worse They Can Say Is No
When you ask for what you want, the answer may be no. If the person you ask says no, it’s not the end of the world. Many times if the person says no, things will remain the same way they were before you ask. If things change that is ok as well. Many times you feel the anxiety because of the unknown. Once you ask for what you want you will have an answer for the unknown, which will fill the uncertainty void.
3. They May Say Yes
The answer may be yes. So asking is worth the risk because there is a possibility to get exactly what you want and need. When the answer is yes, things will change and that change will be for the better.
When you know that you need or want something ask for it. The confident you are ready to ask, are you ready to become that confident person?
Mel M Andre is a Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and International Bestselling Author.
Mel Offers Break The Glass Ceiling Coaching and Confidence Coaching.
For more information on coaching sessions: https://www.melmandre.com/contact